His pain's over..

... and I feel a great burden lifted. He had wanted to make it to my birthday and his anniversary the week after next, but his body just wouldn’t get there. God called him home Friday morning, but I got to spend all Thursday with him, watching over him at home while his wife went to work. It was actually his first day of real hospice care, with visits from a nurse, a home health aide, and the delivery of his hospital bed. He hadn’t slept in a bed in six months because of the severity of the angle he had to sit up at just to breathe. They had just switched him from Vicodin to methadone, but it hadn’t really built up enough to be effective and he was needing his maximum amount of morphine to just deal with the pain, but he still had his sense of humor and his smile, which he gave me a few times during the visit. I think he’ll still be around for my birthday in a way, checking to make sure everything’s okay, and he won’t be in pain, so he can enjoy it.

See more progress on: spend time with my Dad before he dies

My grace is lacking, but that'll come..

Meanwhile, I’m getting in AM and PM stretching sessions, practicing poses and working the poses in budokon, and doing twice a week 1 hour sessions for better health and balance. As it says in one of the programs, if you never fall, you’re not trying something new. I fall at least a couple times every session, but every time I can hold the pose longer. This is fun!

See more progress on: Practice Yoga

Mushroom burgers are yum!

I’ve always wanted to try the meatless portabello mushroom burger, so last night we grilled some up, stacking them on whole wheat buns with red leaf lettuce, grilled red bell pepper and red onion, tomato slices, reduced fat havarti cheese slices, and Trader Joe’s roasted red pepper spread. Loved them! Every bit as satisfying and filling as a beef burger.

See more progress on: try a new food

Three days in a row!

Over the last three days I’ve racked up over 10K a day on my trusty little pedometer: 11560, 11300, and yesterday 16150! That’s almost 6 miles with my stride distance average, although I think my stride might be increasing a little bit. My oldest daughter and I go for walks in the morning and evening, making them brisk with personalized fast walking pace music playlists (I like a mixture of 80’s dance music, DDR remixes, Daft Punk, and MSI, she prefers video game soundtracks), and increasing the entire body involvement with wrist weights. I’m going to keep going, raising my steps per day, hopefully working my way up to 20K. Next year I plan to sign up for and complete the breast cancer 5K Walk for the Cure, so I consider this training as well as a great move toward overall health.

See more progress on: walk 10,000 steps a day

I don't know how long he has left

My father has lung cancer and has stopped responding to treatment, so he’s now moving into a hospice situation. I didn’t speak to him for about five years and just started spending time with him again this past Christmas. I don’t really care about the issues that kept us apart any longer. I’ve forgiven him and don’t hold any expectations of him now that I know he’s just not up to providing. Now I just want to have some good times and some laughs with a man who I am more like than anyone else in my family.

See more progress on: spend time with my Dad before he dies

My arms are sore!

It’s going to take a while for our dogs to get the true hang of walking on a lead since they’ve spent a great deal of their time just hanging out in the house and back yard, but they made a bit of progress today while on a mile walk. It was a bit of a struggle to control them with so many other dogs in the neighborhood, and Dunbar (and to a lesser degree, Major Major) tried to stop at every blade of grass to leave his post on the doggie forums, but we eventually made it all the way around the circuit and back to the house, and it was fun for all.

See more progress on: walk my dogs every day

Halfway there from the start

Yesterday was my first real day on the program after doing my 3 day average to start with, which was 4870. I gave yesterday the goal of 5000 and I got in 5171. Today’s goal is 5400, with my target being getting to 10k/day by Monday after next. Should be easier now that I found my walking shoes, but getting outside for longer walks is still a bit prohibitive in this heat. I hate having to wait until evening to walk, when my husband is home and I’d rather spend time with him, and he doesn’t have the energy to join me in a mile around the neighborhood. Ah well, hopefully the weather will cool within a couple of months and I can take my walks earlier.

See more progress on: walk 10,000 steps a day

Wasn't as easy as I thought

But I’ll keep doing it. Great for the positive mindset. Actually started a myspace group 100 Lights so I’ll have incentive to keep this up on a regular basis. If anyone’s actually interested in my list, it’s the entry ‘100 Simple Pleasures’. I don’t know if anyone will join, but if they do, I think it would be fun to read their lists, too.

See more progress on: Write a list of 100 things that make me happy

Patty Duke's Online Center for Mental Wellness Blog

Patty Duke's Online Center for Mental Wellness Blog

One of my heros and a great role model, Patty Duke's courage is possibly the greatest asset for those of us with mental illness. The blog is a great place to go for information and understanding for bipolar disorder.

Bah, pain and misery..

Why is it that I feel miserable for no reason? Why is it that every few months I have to have a hormonal shotgun blown into my head that makes me rage, sob, freak out, curl up, and wish I could die? I know I'm bipolar, but even if I'm managing my disorder I still get these debilitating episodes. It makes me feel hopeless, as if I'll never be able to work or be a reliable person, because I can't know for sure when I'll have a meltdown. Cry.

HAHAHA! <3 Ballard Street

Ballard Street

This is such a great one.

Hrmmm

Today's mood:


Music soothes the bipolar beast. I am on the verge of getting inspired and might go for healthy living for a while, with support from the fam.

AARGH!

Today's mood:


Downright edgy today. No news or I'll want to bust a cap in someone's ass. Sean Hannity is a total buttfuck. The way he shrills and whines and disrespects he should be a Democrat on the level of Barbra Streisand, who is also a buttfuck.